The homesteading lifestyle is not for the faint of heart.
It is for those that are willing to put in the work not only physically but mentally as well. The homesteading lifestyle is for those that accept the fact that it will take you ten steps longer to accomplish the simplest of tasks. It is a lifestyle for those that know full well that they have to be 10 steps ahead at all times. It is a beautiful and incredibly rewarding lifestyle but it takes an enormous amount of commitment to succeed.
Homesteading is not just about having chickens, growing food, and making your own sourdough bread. It is about prepping your home in a way that provides for your family day in and day out. It is a mindset that requires you to keep your eyes open, your mind learning and makes you continually finding ways to be more efficient and mindful.
That takes a ton of work and energy.
So, what happens when you want to homestead but your partner doesn’t? Or even, what happens when your partner wants to homestead but you don’t? Both of these scenarios can be insanely difficult to navigate through. Because just like mentioned above, homesteading takes an enormous amount of commitment to succeed. There are so many times when we have seen this come up. A friend wants to become more self-reliant but their partner doesn’t. After striking up a conversation with us around growing food or homesteading in general, it usually ends with that person saying, “It would be nice to do what you guys do but my partner doesn’t think it’s necessary.”
What do you do?
There are a few points we have discussed when we meet a couple where one wants to do this type of lifestyle but their partner doesn’t. There is the obvious point we make where it is an end all. IT DOES NOT WORK WHEN BOTH ARE NOT ON BOARD.
But is that true?
I feel like that is the cheap way out and leaves that person desiring the homesteading life left to never work towards it because they are alone. So, here is another idea I’d like to throw at you. What if it happened at a slow and steady pace? Could that potentially bring the other partner who is reluctant on board?
With this concept, the panic mode NEEDS to be shut off immediately. A more rational approach needs to be taken with a more realistic mindset. Here is the thing, you finally JUST open your eyes to what has been happening all along but now you feel like shit needs to change and it needs to change NOW. Your partner in crime is not going to see the value of that change towards the homesteading direction.
I get it, shit is scary and yes things do need to change but they can’t change overnight.
Especially if this is not the type of lifestyle you led before. Making the shift towards being more self-reliant can be overwhelming, exhausting, challenging, expensive and leaves you open to questioning things you’ve never thought about questioning before. You CANNOT expect a partner to jump right on board without hesitation. That hesitation needs to be expected. Understanding that and giving your partner grace to learn, ask their own questions and to find their way needs to be respected.
Does that mean you cannot start your journey towards homesteading?
We say no! But here is the thing, you have to come to terms and be ok with the fact that you are headed out alone for a bit. There is no need to nag or to feel sorry for yourself or even panic. All that you can do is take your time, ask if your partner would like to be included in your thought process and always leave your projects open for one more to join in. In a partnership when one is dedicated to a passion, typically the other partner will start to partake!
For those on the flip side and do not want to be apart of this lifestyle…
We get it! It is difficult, dirty, and different then what you are used to. But just like mentioned above, go slow and try to understand the value. Find ways to contribute that feel good to you. Even though Jason and I have always been on this journey together, after we had our first child it looked a lot different. I wasn’t able to go work out in the garden all day or plant this or that when the seedlings were ready. I was at the mercy of our sweet baby girl. But how we compromised was, he grew the food and worked the land and I made sure it made it to our table in one way or another.
The work load can look different if you choose.
And that is ok. The most important thing to keep in mind is that your partner needs your support. And by even just listening can be incredibly helpful. There is a reason for this journey. No one steps into it “just because.”
There was an eye opening moment that allowed your partner to see things just a tad bit differently. And for that there needs to be a respect given to allow them to navigate through that realization. Even though you may be reluctant doesn’t mean your partner is on the wrong path. The world looks a lot different to all of us right now. Whether or not you are on the left side or the right side. Things are changing and a lot of it is not for the better. We encourage you to take a deep breath and hear your partner out.
Now what?
Now what is…make slow and steady moves towards your goal of self-reliance. Make slow and steady moves that give your partner your support. Both of these steps are insanely brave and should be recognized. Homesteading is no easy task. But it sure is a rewarding one.
Grow on our friend,
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